


the last of my days (a final farewell)

by inkstained_pages



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Fluff, Gen, Help, Introspection, Read this and weep, Sorry Not Sorry, ahhhh im panicking, i did not edit this there was NO TIME, if they die im going to scream, im so terrified for this stream, no beta we die like i hope dream does, speedrunning these tags fifteen minutes before it all goes down, tommy do be thinking the brain things, tubbo and tommy are best friends, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkstained_pages/pseuds/inkstained_pages
Summary: This was really it.The last day Tommy might ever have to walk these paths. The last day Tommy might ever have to breathe in the air. The last day Tommy might ever have to see Tubbo.One last time, right?Or,In which Tommy reflects on his life on the server, takes a walk around to admire the views, and says some words he should have said a long time ago.
Relationships: Ranboo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 10
Kudos: 135





	the last of my days (a final farewell)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah it may be a little ooc, but shhhhhhh i can do whatever i want, i’m grieving  
> Read this while we all wait with baited breath and terrified souls for today’s stream, and weep  
> I know i’ll be weeping haha :,D  
> Im first and foremost a tommy apologist and you can really tell  
> Enjoy :)

TommyInnit does not apologize. He just doesn’t. It’s not really his thing; he doesn’t like admitting he’s in the wrong. It’s a flaw, and sometimes he can acknowledge that, usually when he’s hurt Tubbo accidentally.

Today, though, Tommy thought it was a day for apologies. If it was going to be his last, if he was going to be dead come next evening, then Tommy supposed maybe it was time he confronted his mistakes.

He knew he made a lot. He knew. Tommy may be a child in most people’s eyes, but he wasn’t dumb. He’d fucked up more than most people his age, but he was mature enough to admit it now.

So he made his way to Techno’s house, first and foremost to get gear for the fight, but also to apologize to the piglin hybrid for treating him the way he did. Tommy knew he’d messed up in the way he had used Techno, however unintentional it had been. 

What was the saying? Better late than never? Yeah, that one.

But Tommy will always be a proud person, no matter how good his intentions, so he snuck around the base first, broke a few walls, and stole some potions and pearls.

Of course he got caught. It was on purpose. Tommy definitely wasn’t avoiding this conversation. He  _ wasn’t _ .

(Sometimes he hated the way his brain made him work, hated that he was too proud to say something as simple as “I’m sorry.”)

“Tommy, what are you doing here?” Techno asked as he stared at Tommy with a deadpan. Tommy knew the Blade better than that though, and he could see the lingering irritation in his eyes.

“Hey Blade!” Tommy replied casually, trying to act cool. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? Can’t I visit an old pal and chitchat for a bit?”

“No.” Techno looked him up and down. “I’ll ask again. What are you doing here?”

Tommy sighed, knowing he wasn’t getting out of this one. “Well, as you may or may not know, I’m having a fight with Dream tomorrow. I mean, really, you should know about it, it’s the talk of the server, the big  _ drama _ , if you will-” Tommy knew he was rambling, okay? He’s self-aware enough to recognize his bad habits.

“Uh huh, and what does that have to do with being at my base?” Techno cut through Tommy.

(Tommy was silently grateful. Even after being back in civilization for a week or two, his brain still reverted back to his childish rantings and rambles when he was around other people. His mind still screamed at him to talk and talk and talk, because if he talked, then he could pretend, and pretending meant no more hurting.)

“Well, I remembered that you have lots of really good gear, and I thought to myself “well, Techno wouldn’t miss a few odd potions lying around in his chests, so I came to borrow them. I’m on my last life, and I need everything I can get.”

Techno sighed, deep and weary. Tommy almost felt a twinge of guilt, but it was drowned out by the greater part of his mind that still hated the man for what he did to L’manburg and Tubbo. 

(Still hated him for mocking him after being exiled, for using him to destroy L’manburg, for siding with Dream, the man who almost made Tommy  _ kill himself _ , to get what he wanted.)

“But I also came to say that I’m sorry,” Tommy found himself saying. “I realize now that what I did to you was hurtful and horrible, and I’m sorry.”

A look of intense surprise flashed across Techno’s face for an instant, before it was replaced by cautious skepticism. “What’s the catch?”

“No, no catch,” Tommy hurriedly assured him. “It’s just.” He paused and took a deep breath, before meeting Techno’s eyes with an intensity. “I might not make it out alive tomorrow. In fact, I probably won’t. And if I have only one day left to try and make things right, then I have to at least try. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry for a lot of other things. This doesn’t mean I forgive you, because you hurt me too, and I can’t forget that. 

“But I’m willing to look past your mistakes if you’re willing to look past mine. Maybe if I live to see you tomorrow, we can start over.”

He held out his hand to shake. Techno stared at him quietly for a minute, clearly shocked by the sudden apology Tommy was trying to convey. He blinked a few times, before grasping Tommy’s wrist in a show of camaraderie.

“That sounds alright, Theseus. But don’t go dying on me before I get a chance to make you keep that promise. That would be no fun.” Despite the serious tone he took, Tommy could see a very faint glimmer of amusement and fondness in Techno’s eyes.

He gave a friendly squeeze, before releasing his grip on Techno’s wrist. “I’ll try my best. But if I don’t make it out…”

The words were left unspoken, but they both knew what they were.

_ I’m sorry. _

(For everything I never got to say, Tommy thinks. For all the times I hurt you and used you, however unintentional. For the moments we lost to our own blindness and selfish ambition. For the betrayals and hate that should’ve never come to be.)

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Techno broke the silence, giving Tommy an ever so slight smile.

Tommy gave him a blinding grin in return, before heading out of the house the proper way, waving goodbye as he went. 

“Don’t count on it, Blade.”

He closed the door behind him and didn’t look back.

~ ~ ~

Ranboo was messing around at an igloo near the portal when Tommy reached it. Tommy blinked in surprise, before realizing that this is where the enderman hybrid had gone after L’manburg had blown up. A strange, but not unwelcome idea. Tommy hoped he was happy here.

“Ranboo!” He shouted down at his friend, who looked up and caught sight of Tommy waving. He grinned and scrambled up the slope to greet him.

“Hey Tommy! What are you doing here?” He asked. He looked a little more dull than the last time Tommy had seen him. His eyes were less bright, his armour less clean, his skin a bit dirty. He looked tired.

“Just grabbing some things. I talked with Techno for a bit.” He looked Ranboo up and down carefully, trying to discover what was wrong.

“That’s good, that’s good.” Ranboo looked a little uncomfortable, and Tommy realized he was probably staring.

“You doing alright?” He asked cautiously. “You don’t look like your normal happy self.”

Ranboo looked up at him in surprise, eyes wide. “What? Of course I’m doing alright! Why wouldn’t I bed?”

“I dunno, you just look kind of like shit.” Tommy shrugged, trying to appear apathetic.

(Why couldn’t he show people he cared about them? Why couldn’t he just outright say he was worried?)

(A little voice whispered in the back of his mind that it was because of Dream and everything that had happened since the beginning of the server. Everything he had ever loved, he had lost one way or another, and this was just his way of trying to protect himself from more hurt. 

Tommy told the voice to shut up.)

“Well, I promise I’m fine,” Ranboo laughed nervously. Tommy could tell he was uncomfortable, so he didn’t push.

“If you say so. But uh, hey,” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “I wanted to talk to you for a second.”

“Oh, sure. What’s up?” Ranboo asked.

Tommy blew out a breath. “I wanted to say thanks. For what you did in exile. You were the only one who ever visited me, and you were the only one who knew what Dream was doing was bad. You tried your best to help me, and I never really repaid that debt.”

Ranboo smiled kindly at him. “There’s no debt, Tommy. That was just a friend helping a friend.” He frowned. “I wish I could have done more.”

“Nah, you did all you could. Dream was already in my head at that point and he had too much power over me. I’m just glad you were there to keep me semi-stable.” 

“Oh, it’s no problem. I liked your company.”

Tommy smiled bitterly. “Well, I’m sorry that you might not get any more of it.”

Ranboo frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I might die tomorrow, Ranboo. Me and Tubbo are going to fight Dream, and everyone knows how good he is. I might not make it out of there.”

Tommy looked up after a few moments of silence, and saw Ranboo looking at him with the most awful look of horror and grief written on his face.

“What?” Ranboo’s voice sounded heartbroken, and the part of Tommy that he kept hidden and guarded by walls ached for his friend.

“Yeah, I know. Not ideal, but I wanted to let you know that I really do think of you as a friend. If I never get another chance to say it, I might as well say it now, am I right?”

He didn’t get to continue, as Ranboo suddenly lunged at him and wrapped him in a tight hug. Tommy froze for a second, before instincts he gained from calming Tubbo down from panic attacks after the festival kicked in. He hugged Ranboo back just as fierce, as if to ground him.

Ranboo shook in his hold, and Tommy wished he didn’t have to bring this sort of news with him. 

(Children should never have to tell their friends that they’re going out to die. They should never have to fight gods and monsters for the chance to live, for the right to breathe air and be free.)

“You’re really going to die?” Ranboo whispered softly, almost inaudible.

“Maybe not,” Tommy tried to say. “But yes, most likely. I’m no pvp god, and everyone knows Dream is. I might as well be bringing a stick to a bow and arrow fight.” He cringed at the analogy, reminded of boardwalks and deals, the twang of a bow and the pain of an arrow piercing his chest.

Ranboo let out a broken sob and Tommy held him gently. He knew the grief of losing someone you cared for, he was just not used to being the one mourned.

His first death had been shared by all the citizens of L’manburg, and he had pushed away the pain and horror in favour of helping the others.

His second death had been treated as a victory, a means used to achieve independence for a nation always doomed to fail.

Maybe his third and final one would be used as a lesson. Maybe people would finally learn that putting children into a war was not the answer. Maybe they would spare the others of such a cruel fate as this.

If dying is what it took for them to realize and treat the others better, Tommy thought he could die for something like that.

Ranboo finally calmed down and let go of Tommy. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Tommy said quietly. 

“I’m just tired of watching everyone around me self-destruct and kill each other.”

Tommy smiled sadly. “Me too, Ranboo. Me too.”

Tommy left with another hug and a promise to come back should he live to see another day. 

“Goodbye, Tommy. I hope you know I’ll miss you,” Ranboo said as Tommy turned away to leave.

Tommy turned back and gave Ranboo one last smile. “Thank you, Ranboo. Goodbye.”

The snow fell like crystal teardrops and they parted ways.

~ ~ ~

Tommy was brave. He really was, not that anyone ever acknowledged that fact. He supposed being a loud and obnoxious person most of the time would make people overlook his more admirable traits.

(Maybe they wanted to overlook them.)

So when he left Techno and Ranboo behind, possibly for the last time, he steered himself over to the path that led to Logstedshire. Or at least the remains of it.

Tommy had been there a few times since he had left it behind, but he felt he needed a sort of closure. He had gone there before to conquer the demons that resided there, but still felt there were a few things left to do.

So he took a deep breath and stepped through the portal.

He opened his eyes when he felt the world shift, and found himself looking at the place that was his hell for weeks. Nothing had changed since he last left it, and Tommy didn’t know if he hated it or not.

There were still tiki torches dotting the path, still decorations for a party that never happened, and craters dotting the landscape.

Tommy walked around warily, memories and trauma forcing his mind to put him on edge. 

It was quiet. Tommy remembered that part of exile well, at least. He remembered he always hated the quiet, back when he lived here. How he was so desperate for anyone to chase the silence away he had stooped to letting Dream control him.

But now he was finally going to put an end to the green bastard. He was either finally going to be free, or he was going to go down trying. Tommy may have been caged once, but his spirit will never remain broken for long.

(And if he hid his pain behind feral grins and loud laughter, that was his own fault. If no one knew what he really had gone through because he was desperate to pretend everything was okay, that was on him. If he so desperately wanted to go back to the days when he felt okay enough to breathe normally, he pretended like he was the old Tommy, that was his decision.)

He ignored the small hole that used to be his tent. Large craters he was alright with now, but small ones and little holes made his head ring with cruel words and deliberate manipulation. He wasn’t ready for that yet.

(He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be.)

Tommy found himself standing above the huge crater that was once Logstedshire. Some of the walls were still standing, but they were crumbling away slowly but surely. 

Dark memories pressed in on his mind, but he pushed them back. Now was not the time to remember the bad things. Tommy came here to conquer his demons, not let them in.

The pillar that he had almost jumped off stood tall and haunted before him. Tommy craned his neck to see the top, but couldn’t see it for all he tried.

He remembered the feeling as he sat upon the column of misery and pain. He remembered the crushing loneliness, the hollow feeling that filled his chest. He remembered thinking that this was for the best.

He remembered thinking of Tubbo and of the discs. And he remembered jumping off, but into water instead of ground.

Tommy walked away, leaving the past where it belonged.

~ ~ ~

Returning to the main part of the Dream SMP and walking through the area was a nostalgic experience.

Tommy remembered every one of these builds. Who made them, when they first appeared, when they finished. He may not seem like the most observant person, but he was sentimental, and he always made sure to remember the things that had meaning.

The community house was ruined, its remains standing, but just barely. Tommy still didn’t know who had blown it up, but he was pretty sure it was Dream. Despite claiming that he cared about it, Tommy knew that the cruel man cared for nothing except the ability to control the people around him. 

And if that ability came from destroying the community house, Tommy knew Dream would blow it up without hesitation, and he did. It was only unfortunate that so many people still thought Dream was the one they used to know.

That Dream was lost long ago.

(Tommy was too.)

Tommy left behind the community house, and made his way to Church Prime.

Church Prime was one of the only things on the server that remained the same since it’s construction. The Holy Lands really were considered to be a no pvp zone, and Tommy was surprised that everyone normally abided by those rules.

Maybe he could just live in the Holy Lands. Maybe then he could find peace.

Probably not.

Tommy remembered making Church Prime. It had been a really fun day, back when Dream was still Dream and they were still friends. Joking about twitch prime and statistics, Tommy could still remember being genuinely happy that day.

So many things had changed since then, sometimes it made Tommy’s head spin.

Tommy made his way to L’manburg, or at least, what was left of it. The crater was all that remained of it, and Tommy tried to push down the wave of grief.

L’manburg had been his connection to Wilbur, his last rope that tied him to his dead brother. And now it was gone.

(Part of him was relieved. L’manburg lost itself the moment they gained independence, it was no longer the proud nation it was supposed to be. Then Schlatt took over and broke it down even more, taking Wilbur down with it. Then it was blown up and Tubbo became president, but somehow Dream had all the power.

Maybe it was a good thing that L’manburg was gone.)

Still, Tommy mourned it and the people that used to be a part of it, people who he used to call friends. He didn’t think they thought of him as that anymore, and Tommy knew he had done things to deserve their hatred.

It still hurt, but Tommy was used to betrayals and the pain that came with them by now, so he pushed it to the side easily.

He left the crater to its demise, and left L’manburg to its grave. There was nothing left for him there.

~ ~ ~

He met with Tubbo at their house. 

Tubbo was messing around with some of the chests, though Tommy didn’t really know what he was doing.

“Hey Tubbo,” he greeted.

“Oh, hey Tommy!” Tubbo turned around and gave him a bright smile. “You ready for tomorrow?”

Despite his cheery attitude, Tommy knew Tubbo so well, and he could see he lingering nervousness in his eyes.

“We’ll be alright, big man.” Tommy put a hand on Tubbo’s shoulder.

Tubbo looked away, his grin fading. “How can you be sure?” He sounded scared, and Tommy pulled Tubbo into a hug. He wished at that moment that they didn’t have to do this. 

But they did, not just for the discs, but for themselves as well. If they could win, they could finally break the cycle of hate and death that had been going for so long. They could finally be free of Dream’s control.

“Well, I’m not sure if we’ll win,” Tommy replied. “But even if we die trying, at least we went out with a fight. And if we die, then maybe we can finally rest. Maybe we can become ghosts together or something, yeah?”

Tubbo chuckled. “I guess you’re right.” He held Tommy tighter, and Tommy reciprocated. “But what if only one of us dies?”

Tommy hummed. “Then only one of us dies and the other has to live with that. I don’t like it any more than you do, in fact I hate it, but we can only do our best to try not to let that happen.”

Tubbo was silent, and Tommy realized he had words he needed to say to him as well.

“I’m sorry,” he began. 

“For what?”

“For everything I did that hurt you. For everything I did that put you in a position that you should never have had to be in. For everything I never said until now.” He paused. “For not being a good enough friend.”

Tubbo shushed him. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I forgive you. And besides, we’re both at fault here. There’s no one person to blame. All that matters is that we’re here now.”

They stood there for another few minutes, simply held in each other’s arms and existing. If this was their last night together, they wanted to make it count.

“Wanna go watch the sunset?” Tubbo asked quietly. “Just like the good old days?”

“Sure,” Tommy replied.

They went outside, hand in hand, Tommy holding  _ Blocks _ .

The sun was just starting to touch the horizon as they sat down beside each other. Tubbo leaned against Tommy and Tommy let him, even slinging an arm around him. 

Normally he wasn’t one for showing affection of any kind, but if tonight was his last night he might as well show it now. He regretted not showing enough of it earlier, but he supposed he couldn’t do anything about it now.

They sat like that for a few minutes, letting the smooth melody of the disc dance around them as night claimed the land.

“Tommy?” Tubbo spoke softly. 

“Yeah Tubbo?” Tommy replied, equally quiet.

“Whatever happens tomorrow, I hope you know that you will always be my best friend.”

Tommy smiled, and leaned his head against Tubbo’s.

“And you’ll always be mine.”


End file.
